There are a lot of things I don’t feel capable of doing. There was a time when I felt like I had a lot to give, like if someone ever committed to me he would be lucky. Right now all I can see are the characteristics I lack of. I’m not good at bakery, I’m not that much of a lady sometimes, I’m not the best in a lot of areas, and there are a lot of things I will never be able to give to someone.
Maybe this is just sadness and disappointment talking, I’m capable of wonderful things and I know it, but it was just so hard for him to see it, to fight for it, that makes me think I wasn’t good enough. I started dating someone else afterwards but all I did was make mistakes, and I realized I was an option, second best for him too, the minute the first in his heart came back around he didn’t hesitate on letting me go.
Picture perfect girls, who are the image of perfection in their minds, and then I start comparing myself to them and all I can see are the things I’m not able to give, to do, the things I’m not. It’s so hard for me to see the good in me right now, I know I’m in a bad stage, but I feel guilty for every failed relationship, even when I know they didn’t fight for me, I gave everything and it wasn’t enough, I went to fast, or said too much, I didn’t inspired them to do what they needed to do, I wasn’t good enough for it to work, it always starts and ends with me.