My monster is in love

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My monster is in love... or at least it seems like.

He is not really a monster, he is a messed up boy, with a heart broken with dissapointment and guilt. He has beautiful brown eyes and a contagious goofy laugh, he has strong arms and a noble heart.

He believes he is a monster, unworthy of happiness with a perverted mind or  as he likes to call it a “sexy imagination.”

He is frustrated, lost and lonely.
I knew him when he had hope, he was trying to make it right, to walk in the right path, he was a good advisor and a wonderful friend, but he got tired, some idea of “the perfect girl” broke his heart, and he was never the same.

I fell for a dangeorus combination of the best friend and the sexy bad boy.
I’ve seen the best and the worst of him. He wasn’t looking for love even though I know he craved for it… he didn’t want to get high hopes and end up dissapointed.

It’s funny how knowing him so well I couldn’t crack his code. He cracked mine, he messed up with my mind, my body and sadly… my heart.
He teased about marrying me if I was available at 30, he made me feel beautiful, sexy and alive.
But he thought he was undeserving, not good for the job and too messed up.

My monster wasn’t supposed to fall in love, he didn’t want to, he didn’t fall for me, even though he got to know me very well.

Almost a year has passed since I ran away from my beautiful nightmare, I’ve  met other guys, but there hasn’t passed a day without thinking about my dear monster, about the light in his eyes when he looked at me, about his touch, his kiss, and all he is.

He kind of tried, but he didn’t fall in love with me… and it hurts me to the core, sometimes I blame myself for not being inspiring enough, but then I realize his walls were to high, he pushed me away whenever he started feeling it, he didn’t let me in.

He posted a chapter of a book he is reading “Monsters also fall in love.
He also posted a picture with a girl with bright green eyes… he looks so happy wrapping her with his arm around her shoulders… it has been so long, I’ve changed so much, I wonder if he has changed too.

I wonder if he is in love, if some belle has cracked the code of my untamable monster, it broke my heart to see him with someone else. But I know it has been long enough… I’m not sure about it but it hurts just the thought of him falling for someone… but deep inside I know he is not a monster, he is pure sweetness trapped in hard cover. And I envy and admire the beauty capable of turning the beast into the knight in a shiny armor he really is.

The thought is unbearable, I find hard to believe someone will love and know him as much as I do. But I hope he finds it, the release from his guilt, pain and shame. I hope someday he sees himself as I see him.

He is not a monster, not for me.

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