Grace …

You can't fall out of grace...

It has been a journey for me to embrace God’s grace in my life, but He showed it to me with such sweet love and tenderness. I hope this helps you as much as it has helped me.

It’s hard for humans to understand grace, because it’s something SO BIG that our minds and hearts can’t understand.

One of the enemy’s greatest weapons is guilt, we are all sinners so it’s very easy for him to use that sin to make us feel guilty and feel like we are falling out from grace.

But there is some good news… I have come to understand that God’s grace is like an ocean… it’s impossible to fall  from it, if you are in the middle of the ocean you can’t fall out of it, all you can do is go deeper.

Every time we make a mistake and feel like we are falling out from grace, we are not… we are just going deeper into that unending ocean of grace and love. Your sin can’t take you away from God’s love, NOTHING CAN SEPARATE YOU FROM GOD’S LOVE… Romans 8:38-39.

Sometimes I get mad at myself because it feels like I know that God’s grace will always take me back, and I feel like it’s not fair, I hate myself whenever I repeat a mistake or a sin, because I know God already forgave me for doing that a while ago, and now I’m doing it again… I let the enemy start telling me lies and make me feel like God’s grace is not enough, like I’m overusing it. Sometimes I’m even scared of talking about His grace because it feels like people will start sinning like crazy because they know God’s grace is everlasting.

First of all, God’s grace is not a limited resource, it’s infinite. Jesus tought that we have to forgive 70 times 7, which means there’s no limit for forgiveness.

It doesn’t matter how many times you sin or how big it is, God’s grace will always take you back, and there’s no way I can unsay what is true, even when I’m afraid of saying that out loud because I can’t fully understand God’s mercy and infinite love.

That being said, even when God’s grace is infinite and real, consequences from sin are also real, this means sin will drive you away from God’s perfect will for your life; it will limit your connection and growth with His Holy Spirit and will make you unhappy.

God’s grace purpose is making you strong in your weakness, knowing that once certain area of your life was full of sins and mistakes but now is all clean and full of grace. This can only happen when you surrender every area of your life to Him, even when it feels like He is all silent, even when it seems like it’s never going to happen. When you surrender everything to Him, trusting that He is in control of your weakness, your mistakes, your dreams, your heart, your family, your finances, and your future, there is when you get strengthened in your weakness.

Every time you feel like you can’t understand God’s grace, every time you find yourself covered in sin and shame, run to the cross and you will understand it a little better, HE rather die than letting you go.  This is why  even death can’t drive you away from His love; NOTHING can separate you from His grace because he defeated every possibility of losing you by surrendering His life.

Remember, grace is like an ocean, you can’t fall out of it; all you can do is go deeper.

God wants me to be happy

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God wants me to be happy… as a Christian that is a basic thought, God is love and if I believe God is love that implies He wants nothing but my happiness.

I recently discovered that during some weird stage of my life, I stopped believing God wanted me to be happy, and by happy I mean in love. I started believing crazy lies like “God wants you to be alone” or “God doesn’t want you to be in love with someone else because he is a jelous God.” It just sounds stupid and makes no sense to me now, but without saying it outloud or even thinking about it I believed that.

Satan is the father of all lies, and the original sin is a consequence of Eve believing a lie of Satan; “God doesn’t want you to be wise like him, that’s why he won’t let you have the apple.” The Enemy makes us doubt about God’s love and His purpose for our lives, he wants us to believe God is not a fair God, a forgiving God, a loving God, and when we believe these lies we run away from Him and disobey just like Eve and Adan did on the Eden.

I just went through some sort of a break up with a very important person in my life and it hurt my heart deeply. The thing is, I knew from the beginning this person wasn’t God’s plan for my life… if I knew it then why did I just let myself go through that dark and hurting experience? Because I thought God didn’t want him for my life, but He didn’t have anyone better for me either. I believed he wanted me to be alone.

I was faithless, so I fell in love with a boy who separated me from God, and also made me doubt of my value and what I stood for.

I can’t blame everything on him, I knew he was hurt and away from God, and instead of helping him I fell in that deep hole with him and ended up hurt and empty. We both believed God didn’t want us to be happy, nor together, nor apart… because we didn’t feel worthy.
That sounds like a blasfemy and it’s denying God’s greatest characteristics His love and unchanging grace.

It has been hard for me to get over my “first love” but it has been harder because I have been trying to forget him in the wrong places, with the wrong people and with the wrong attitude. I’ve been denying myself and losing my essence, believing more and more lies and feeling more and more empty.

God is good all the time and all the time God is good. He is all mercy and His love and grace know no end. Last weekend I had the chance to have a re-encounter with Him, I got the chance to find forgiveness in the cross one more time, I found healing in His truth and gave up all the lies. I realized He loves me… He really loves me and wants me to be happy and have a life rich in love and purpose in every area… not because I deserve it but because He loves me… as simple as that.

God wants me to fall in love, but not in the sickening, obsessive way the world offers us “love,” He wants me to fall in love in the best possible way, with a person who will pull out the best in me, a person who also believes God wants him to be happy… us to be happy and is part of God’s perfect plan for my happinness, not because I deserve it, but because He loves me.

Now I believe it, and I will wait for it, not sad about the waiting but confident that it will happen in the right time, now I believe that knowing this person and falling in love with him is part of God’s plan for my life, so it will happen eventually.

God wants me to be happy 🙂

Not enough ?

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There are a lot of things I don’t feel capable of doing. There was a time when I felt like I had a lot to give, like if someone ever committed to me he would be lucky. Right now all I can see are the characteristics I lack of. I’m not good at bakery, I’m not that much of a lady sometimes, I’m not the best in a lot of areas, and there are a lot of things I will never be able to give to someone.

Maybe this is just sadness and disappointment talking, I’m capable of wonderful things and I know it, but it was just so hard for him to see it, to fight for it, that makes me think I wasn’t good enough. I started dating someone else afterwards but all I did was make mistakes, and I realized I was an option, second best for him too, the minute the first in his heart came back around he didn’t hesitate on letting me go.

Picture perfect girls, who are the image of perfection in their minds, and then I start comparing myself to them and all I can see are the things I’m not able to give, to do, the things I’m not. It’s so hard for me to see the good in me right now, I know I’m in a bad stage, but I feel guilty for every failed relationship, even when I know they didn’t fight for me, I gave everything and it wasn’t enough, I went to fast, or said too much, I didn’t inspired them to do what they needed to do, I wasn’t good enough for it to work, it always starts and ends with me.

Not enough.

When you stop believing

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When you stop believing something crashes inside your heart… it stops beating the way it used to, you become numb without even noticing. When your faith is gone, there’s nothing to hold on to. I stopped believing God had it under control, I didn’t stop believing in God, I wasn’t mad at him, I just stopped believing He had my life in his hands. It didn’t happen from one day to another. I was slowly drifting… drifting away, wave after wave until I was so far away I couldn’t see land, I was lost inside the ocean of disbelief. Once there, anything could happen, I started taking steps into what I thought was me doing me a favor, I started making decisions without consulting him, because I thought God wasn’t interested in my silly love life, God didn’t have time for me. Deep in my heart I knew he cared but I wanted to give him a lesson “You were taking too long, so I needed to take the matter in my own hands,” I said “You knew I wasn’t strong enough, you were late.” I stopped believing, my heart doubted of his love , my mind played me until I forgot my own purpose… I was lost, I made mistakes that were just the result of my lack of faith, my disbelief. I lost part of my innocence and “sin” became part of my daily life , I lost my mind trying to get it back, I was so far away from my purpose…
But then I remembered where it all started, all the mistakes, all the heartaches and confussion started when I stopped believing God would deliver what he promised, when recklessly I doubted of God’s love, I got bored and wanted to “have fun” and “live my life.” I had fun, but then I realized there’s no happy ending without faith, there’s no light, no hope, there’s nothing at the end of the road but empty memories. I realized I was a sinner but the only way you can please God is by having faith, believing was the key to forgiveness, to healing, to love and hope. I decided I needed him, but to be back on his purpose I needed to please him by believing he knew best,  by believing he still had my life in the palm of his hands, and there was a purpose in spite of the bad things. I believe that God is God and he never changes, He loves me unconditionally and there’s no happiness outside his grace, I believe he hates sin but loves the sinner so I won’t longer feel guilty. I believe he knows my heart, he wants me to be happy, and even though there will be rainy days, there are good things ahead, dreams coming true, movie-like moments, kisses under the moonlight, goals achieved, moments of sharing, fulfillment and love. I believe again, so I will start walking in faith and not looking back, trusting in his perfect timing and unchangable love. I believe again.