You know… I wish you were already here. I’m not 100% sure you are there…somewhere… but if you actually exist I want to tell you that I wish you were already here. Thank God because during this time I’ve learned to be by myself and I know how to have a life and enjoy it… Continue reading Memories without you
I’m not much of a poet; I’m not the corny one, I’m not going to tell you that your eyes shine like the stars, or that I’m in love with you with poetical lyrics.
Or maybe I will…
I have no experience on loving freely, no experience on feeling free to give the best in me away. I’ve been in love in all the wrong ways, with someone who pulled out my darkest side, I became a girl who was afraid of getting hurt, who started building walls she didn’t even know existed… but with you it will be different.
They say the right person will pull out the best in you, whether is your poetry skills, or your adventurous side. For you I will find myself climbing a mountain, or writing a song, learning how to cook, or watching foreign movies, it’s not giving away who you are or changing for someone… it is finding something new… something that gives a new perspective to your life, something that completes you.
For me you will probably find yourself listening to songs you’ve never heard, or watching HIMYM… haha hopefully we will get lost in deep conversations, talking about God, life and our purpose.
I’ve written a few love letters, but have never delivered them for being afraid of exposing myself, I’ve never found someone with whom I can be vulnerable, and express freely my feelings without being too out there.
I don’t know that side of me, I can imagine myself being that movie character, falling asleep in your arms, but it’s hard to believe when it has never happened that way.
You will show me, you might not be my first kiss or the first one to hold my hand, you won’t be my first love, but you will be me first real “I Love You.”
And the hope of you, is what keeps me going somehow, I hope I get to pull out the best in you, I’m eager to discover that side of me… and see the best of you reflected in me
I got this little love box a long time ago… I got it as a high school graduation present from some relative, and it never meant anything to me, in fact I didn’t even give it a use, it was just there… standing in my bathroom closet.
The funny thing is I didn’t even realize it said “Love,” I thought it was just a heart with some doodles on the sides… I never noticed… until the night I fell in love with him. It sounds crazy, but I remember that night so well… it was almost 2 years from now, but I remember it so well… It was a cold November night, Christmas lights and decorations everywhere… we went out with some friends, and somehow was the time I fell for him so hard I couldn’t even sleep that night, I watched the sunrise from my window, I was smiling, my heart was smiling, my mind was smiling, butterflies all around, I couldn’t even breathe I’ve never felt anything like it, I hope I will. It wasn’t even the night of our first kiss, but there was this connection, the way he looked at me, I knew I liked him, he had been my best friend for 2 years, and I knew there was something between us but I wasn’t sure about anything until that night, the way he looked at me, the way we laughed, he drove me home and he was so sure, so confident, he didn’t even care about everyone noticing there was something between us, I felt so safe, so wanted, it was amazing. He was so nervous on the way home, he was talking non stop, I knew he was anxious, I don’t know if he planned to kiss me that night, he didn’t, but he sure thought about it, he was sweating. He parked in front of my house, and we talked for a while like we were used to, we listened to some music, we played with each other’s hands, we laughed, and then we hugged and he kissed me on the chick. It was beautiful.
I realized I was in love with him that night. I walked into my room and noticed “the little love box,” it has been there all the time, but I read the word “Love” on it for the first time, that’s how I realized it was love what I was feeling.
I fell in love for him, I’m still in love with him, it’s hard because we are not together anymore… 9 months have passed since the day everthing came to an end. My heart breaks a little everytime I see “the little love box” standing in my closet, I’ve tried to hide it, to put it away, but somehow it always ends up facing towards me, reminding me of the night I fell in love for the first time.
The memories bring pain, tears and sorrow but at the same time a little hope… I loved, it was real, it wasn’t perfect but it is the most amazing feeling in the world, and I’m glad I’ve loved. This means I can love again, “the little love box” reminds me it is possible to fly, to watch the sunrise from your window while your entire body smiles, it is possible to love an imperfect human that fails and hurts.
“The little love box” reminds me I’ve loved and gives me hope… for I will love and be loved again.